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Merry Christmas?

December 27, 2008

Not so much.

I woke up feeling okay, but as the day wore on, I starting feeling “off”.  Not cool.

I tried to fake it for my husband and kids, but I don’t know that I did a great job at it.

My husband got me a great surprise gift, and normally, I’d be soooo ecstatic!  I thought I faked it well, but husband didn’t agree.  He felt bad that I wasn’t more excited; as he’d expected….I felt bad, and kept trying to make excuses for it.  Bottom line–I wasn’t myself.

Got up today and felt worse than I felt yesterday.

I tried to busy myself by putting away our tree and setting up a couple of the larger items my kids received as gifts.  Usually when I keep busy, it helps, but not today.

I have an appt with a psychologist tomorrow morning, and he suggested I bring in my husband.  His train of thought is that depression affects the whole family, not just the person with it.  I totally agree.  He also said its even worse for a family when its BiPolar!!  Lucky us.

So I brought up the idea to husband after my last appt, and he was skeptical.  He doesn’t want to go in and get blamed for everything.  I told him, and I meant it, that he won’t.  None of this is his fault…or mine.  We’ve never had marriage counseling or anything, but it couldn’t hurt, right?

Over the past week, husband has been going back and forth on whether he’d go with me.  Come today and he’s committed.  He’s going with me. 

This ought to be interesting.

On a side note, I’m looking forward to getting to increase my meds; Lamictal and Cymbalta.  I am following the starter pack on the Lamictal, so I have to be patient, but I get an increase in about a week.  On the Cymbalta, it will be more like 4 or 5 weeks before I get an increase.  I just hope I can hang on that long.

I’m exhausted from trying to fake “fine” to husband.  Hopefully I can keep at it just a bit longer…..

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