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Jumping In

April 28, 2010

Why get back into blogging here slowly, when I can jump right in?  I can get all of the awkwardness outta the way much faster that way….

Here I am, 16 months later (from my last post), and I am still alive!  It might not sound like much, but it is.

I am still on Cymbalta and Lamictal’s generic.  I was up to some pretty high doses over the past 16 months, but I am now happy to say that I am on mimimums!  Didn’t feel like it would ever come, to be honest, but I’ve made progress and I deserve to acknowledge that.

I was in a car accident in January 2009, and it did major damage to my back muscles. And tendons. And ligaments. And nerves.  *sigh*  I weighed 124 lbs (I’m 5’2″) at the time, and I have gained a ton of weight through my post accident time.  It sucks!  I have gotten up to 160 lbs.  That is ginormous for my frame.  Seriously.

So 2 weeks ago, I started a fitness and nutrition plan that I haven’t ever done before.  I hired someone that supposedly knows what she’s doing, and she is helping me along the way.  My dream one day would be to compete in some fitness competition!  LoL  I have to laugh so it doesn’t sound too crazy.

I’ve lost some weight already, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy yet.  I don’t know if it will ever get easy, to tell you the truth.   I once believed it was a matter of adjusting to a new, healthier way of life, but is it even realistic?  Do I want to become this obsessed-with-healthy-food-and-body person?  Can’t decide.  I have a major addiction to Pepsi that is so hard to break.  I had been able to quit Pepsi cold turkey at one prior time in the last year, and I had a good few months going strong.  Then I don’t know what happened.  Hasn’t been a success since, though, which sucks.

So….I bring up this weight/nutrition/health thing because I think it is affecting my mood.  In a bad way.

At first, and even periodically now, I had a tiny bit of a high feeling in regards to the changes.  I felt like I had something to “do” or work towards.  When I lost a lb or more, I felt like I accomplished “something” that didn’t involve laundry or spending money I shouldn’t be spending.  😉  At the same time, I fight with myself all the time about what I’m not doing perfectly.

I tend to be an all-or-nothing, Type-A personality, person!  So if I can’t do it perfectly, I shouldn’t do it at all.  *sigh*

I’m going to do better at updating this blog.  I need it to get my thoughts out of my head.  And hopefully no one in my real life will find me here.  😀  That way, I can be completely and brutally honest!!

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