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Withdrawals After Only 12 Hrs!

June 5, 2010

I take Cymbalta and Lamictal each day to manage my bipolar.

Funny thing; last night I was thinking, “I’m feeling too blah lately.  I’d sure love to just squash the depression aspect, but keep the manic aspect of this bipolar bug.”

Well, I truly forgot to take my meds with dinner last night.  As I lay in bed last night, around midnight or so, I remembered.  I debated going down the stairs for the meds, but thought it wouldn’t be too bad to wait half a day. 

Wrong!

It’s happened more than once, so I should know better.  I should know by now.

I abruptly woke up at 3:30am with a migraine from Hell.  It was bad enough to wake me, so that says something.  It hurt so bad.  I remember comparing it to contractions, the way it would throb to the max, then back off, but the back off was still so very painful.  I couldn’t move.  Hubby was asleep in son’s bed, and I was secretly wishing he would magically come help me. 

I needed my migraine meds.  Or the hospital’s morphine.  Or my bipolar meds.  Or all three! 

I couldn’t get to the meds.  It hurt too much.  I tossed and turned the rest of the night in pain.  Around 5am, I finally got myself to the kitchen, where we keep our meds.  (Our bathrooms get too steamy.  Yuck)

I took some OTC meds that work well for my migraines and I had some milk to try and avoid nausea or vomiting.

I went back to bed.  I tried working on relaxation stuff to get my body to chill the eff out.

I heard daughter start crying for me at 9.  Hubby had said the night before that he wanted me to be able to sleep in, so he scheduled gym with a friend for 11am so he could get up with daughter.  I felt like he wasn’t going fast enough.  (He never does)    😉

At 9:30, I went to hubby and asked nicely that he get her.  “If you let her cry it out when it isn’t supposed to be happening, then she won’t respond well when I make her do that at nap time!”

Nap times have been a struggle for us lately.  This adorable, sweet, feisty little 29-month-old fights naps with all she’s got.  I suck at letting her cry it out.  Or even fuss it out.  It makes me anxious, so I cave. 

Back to the topic at hand.

So hubby says he’ll get her.  I doubt it.  He seems exhausted.  I go get her and take her to him in son’s bed.  I also get puppy, who is whining for us downstairs pass the gate.  The two of ’em should get hubby up.  Desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

I got back to bed.  I ask that hubby get my migraine meds that I called in a refill on, when he can, and that they’ll be ready at 10am.

It’s now 3, and he just got back with ’em.  Oh well.

I get up at 11, when hubby has his gym time.  It doesn’t take long to realize that I am withdrawing from my bipolar meds.  Greeeeeaaaaat. 

I am shaky.  I am feeling weepy, yet manic at the same time.  Blah.

Hubby gets lunch for us, a super unhealthy and gross meal.  As my  hand tries to pick up bites, it is shaking so much that it makes it somewhat difficult.  I am a teeny bit confused mentally.  Just not quite with it.

I offer hubby, over the phone when discussing lunch options, that I shouldn’t go anywhere alone for the next bit because I might not come back.  He immediately sounds frustrated.  And annoyed.  That makes me more annoyed and frustrated.

Like I said, it is now 3.  I have taken my bipolar meds, my Zofran to not vomit, and my migraine meds.  Things should drastically improved.

It’s amazing how things can appear so dim when in the midst of the drama, yet now I can look at it as though it’s someone else’s reality.

I hate it that this is my life.  I hate it.

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