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Yep. I’m Back In The Hole.

June 24, 2010

If there was any doubt about how I’m doing, or feeling, I now know for sure that I am back in the hole.  Dammit.

I just want to sleep.  Like, I could seriously crawl into bed and lay there for hours, sleeping or not.  Because I’m so blah.

I could clean.  There’s tons to do around the house.  Because I’ve been letting it slide more and more each day.  But you know how it’s sometimes hard to get started when there’s so much to do, because it feels overwhelming?  Maybe that’s part of it.

I could go shopping.  When I had severe PPD in 2003, I would shop to deal with my feelings.  Boy, oh boy.  That got us into some major financial predicaments. 

My oldest wants to stay home and sit and play video games.  Rather than monitoring his playing time, I am more inclined to just let him do whatever.  Because then I don’t have to deal with him as much.  I know.  I’m terrible to even think that.

My youngest wants to go somewhere.  She’s only 2, so she doesn’t care much where we go.  She just wants to go.

I’m not doing well on my weight loss situation, either.  I tried to start a lifelong change with nutrition and weight loss on April 12.  Here I am only down 7 lbs, give or take a lb depending on the day.  I should be much closer to my goal weight by now.  I started at 160 and need to get to 125 to feel satisfied with my body.  Serious.  I was in a car accident in Jan 2009 and it injured my back so much that I was on restrictions til April of this year.  Before car accident, I was 124 lbs.  I should’ve relished it while I had it.

Because of this hole I’m in, I am not motivated to eat healthier.  That would require effort.  And exercising is diminished to a mild walk around the ‘hood each evening.  I should be doing much more.  If only my kids would stay in the gym daycare for longer than 15 mins without crying (mostly the youngest, obviously), then I could go each day to the gym.  Even if I just sat on a weight bench, I’d be doing something, right?  But daughter will cry. Every time I’ve tried, she’s cried and they’ve had to page me.  Same with son when he was itty. 

I should not be drinking Pepsi anymore.  I was doing well at tapering off.  In April.  Not now.  Now it’s the one thing I think makes me happy.  For moments at least.

Husband is going to college.  Again.  He’s taking two classes for Summer semester.  One class for the first 6 weeks of semester, and one for the second 6 weeks.  The second starts tonight.  Yep.  Tonight.  Not during the day.  He will be gone for 3 or 4 hours every Tues and Thurs night.  No bueno.

Do you know what bad timing this is?

A few weeks ago, it would’ve been nothing.  I mean, not super fun or anything, but pleasantly doable.  Now, not so much.  In fact, it might just put me over the edge.  Yuck.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. June 24, 2010 3:09 pm

    Giant hugs…wait you might want to douse yourself with some antibacterial hand cream stuff cause lord knows what my skin is harbouring…sick, I know.

    Take a big breath. You can do this. You lost 7 pounds that is freeeeking awesome. It’s better than none right? I too have a jacked up back and I walk around my neighborhood. Would that be something that the kids would want to do with you? I take mine in a wagon…kind of hard on the back though but it keeps him shut up and I can at least walk for a bit.

    There will be bad days and they won’t last….tomorrow is a new day. Don’t think about what you did or didn’t do yesterday. Think about today.

    Big sanitized hugs from your rashy friend.

    • June 24, 2010 3:26 pm

      You are so wonderful. Serious.

      I do take the kids with me around the block. I usually wait for evening, just because it’s not as hot. Sometimes they’ll walk, sometimes youngest will ride in stroller or walk while oldest walks or bikes.

      How awesome if we lived close enough to walk the neighborhood together! A girl can dream, right? 😉

      I hope you are feeling like you’re on your way back up. You are so great.

  2. June 27, 2010 12:33 pm

    How are you feeling lady?
    You can email me when ever ok? We can take a virtual walk… 😉

  3. June 27, 2010 12:33 pm

    Wait, that sounded kind of creepy…LOL

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