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Jump On My Cocktail!

January 18, 2011

Last week, I was still in this funk.  This funk I’ve been in for quite some time now.  On

Wednesday, it hit a sort of low.  I know my warning signs by now:

–Feeling overwhelmed at the thought of doing anything, even taking a shower

–Wanting to sleep. And sleep.  And sleep.

–Having thoughts cross my mind that include packing up my two dogs and

taking off, leaving hubs and the kids, to start life anew.  A life with lots of sunshine.

And no responsibilities.  And a new identity.  And just a fresh slate.

–Maybe even divorcing hubs and giving him custody of the kids.  So none of them

have to see me so ‘out of touch’.  And so ‘in a fog’.  They won’t

have to worry or deal with it.

Obviously, those thoughts are not necessarily logical.  Or desirable, even.

I mean, I don’t really want to leave.  Or ship my kids off with

my true love, my hubs.

That’s when I know I’m getting into the orange territory.  (Red territory being suicidal)

So I called my APRN’s cell and left a msg.

I talked too much.  I told her I was struggling and needed help.

She called back later that evening and I told her

that I wasn’t in the red territory, but the orange.

We talked about medication for a bit, about a plan

to get me through the weekend (I had a sister coming to stay

with us, and she always lets me have time *off*, which for a mom like me,

can be heavenly, whether depressed or not.) until I would

see her today, Tuesday.

Sister came and helped me a lot.  Just having someone to entertain my kiddos

while I watched.  Or read.  Or watched tv.  Just having a little bit of my daily load taken

helped me so much.  I hope she knows how much.

I had my appt today.  We talked about how I’ve been feeling.  Which is less

than stellar.  We discussed adding another medication to my meds cocktail, as I like to

call it.  You see, I’m taking stuff for my chronic back pain from an auto

accident injury.  I’m taking stuff for my hormones.  I’m taking stuff

that is OTC and just like “natural health” stuff.  It’s a lot to swallow!

Adding one more thing just hasn’t been in my list of

Top 5 desires for the near future, ya know?

But today talking to her, she felt confident that it was a good idea

to try for my particular situation.  She has had some patients

in my situation have wonderful results with it.  Of course, there

are always the exceptions, which don’t have a positive affect at all.

Fingers crossed that it won’t be me.

I really want this to be one of those times when I am not

a patient that mystify the medical professionals in my life. Let’s have

this thing work  wonderfully and have me feeling super awesome

in a week or less.

*fingers crossed*

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