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Guess The Past 6 Months Have Been Less Than Blog-worthy

March 12, 2012

Let’s have a quick rundown…

2003–I delivered my first child and got severe PPA immediately. In the following days, PPD jumped in the mix.

2005-2006–Suffered multiple miscarriages, with the most difficult (emotionally & physically) at 13 weeks gestation.

2007–I delivered my second child and was aggressive with mental health treatment to prevent any postpartum mental health issues. Did well until 8 months postpartum.

2007-2008–Fought depression, trying medication after medication, hoping to find something to help. Finally found a pretty good combo. A few mental health care providers suggested a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Primary care physician disagreed. Still does.

2009–Just as things were looking up, my family and I were hit hard in a car accident. My family (kids and husband) were all in the backseat. I was the only one injured. And it was worse than I even realized at the time.

Today–I have gained 55 ugly lbs since the accident. A mix of medications, trial procedures, and intermittent bedrest, I am now at my heaviest weight ever. My once-nicely toned & thin body is now encapsulated by tons of fat.
I am enduring pain 24/7, it’s just the level of pain that varies minute-to-minute.
I am unable to do soooo many things. My body can’t keep up with me. It affects my relationship with everyone, especially my husband.
How does a spouse handle this situation? He goes from having a very active, capable partner to being a sole parent (physically) to our two kids and a caregiver of an adult. He takes on wayyy more than his share.
Not only does it place a wedge between us, but the guilt I carry every second of my life is nearing unbearable.
I would love to wake up tomorrow & be physically able to do more. But it never happens that way.

To be continued…

3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 13, 2012 6:12 am

    Let it all out. I am so glad that you are starting to write again. Your words have power to heal not only you but others.

  2. October 29, 2012 2:47 pm

    I see you found my blog that has been seriously neglected, and i would also benefit from beginning to write again. I am glad to have found yours, I am sorry to hear of your struggles, but I am happy to hear you share, and possibly lead you towards answers, maybe through some of us who have been there or are there.

    Glad to meet you.

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